Consequences
by Laura Dugan
Summary: Mac spirals out of control after killing Sadik. Will Harm be able to save her from herself? Post Ep Persian Gulf.
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** Consequences  
** Author:** Laura Dugan  
** Feedback:** Kindly, at AliasGirl@hotmail.com  
** Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it: the show, the characters, nothing. They belong to CBS, Belasarius Productions, and its subsidiaries. I mean no infringement.  
** Category:** Post Ep Persian Gulf, Mac/Harm Romance  
** Summary:** Mac spirals out of control after killing Sadik. Will Harm be able to save her from herself?  
** Rating:** PG  
** Notes:** I had an immediate response to Persian Gulf and the previews for the next episode. This is my interpretation of that episode. Thanks to Arica for helping, in a general sense, with this story. :) Special thanks to Dr. L - the JAG poster inspired me to get his finished!

**Chapter 1 :: The Aftermath**

"I'm worried about her, Harm." Admiral Chedwiggen took off his glasses and stared intently at Harm, concern etched across his face.

"I can't say that I'm not worried about her either, but I don't really know what to do. She won't talk to me." Harm rubbed his face, frustrated. "I hate it when she shuts me out."

"What about Webb?"

Harm looked up sharply, offended.

"I didn't mean that she would talk to him when she's not talking to you. I was just wondering what the situation was."

"As far as I know, he's still out in the great unknown. She hasn't heard from him in a few weeks."

"I don't think that's helping the situation."

"Guess not."

"And we all know how miserable you are when Mac's not here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rabb on the offensive.

The admiral sighed. "Do me a favor, Rabb, go to her. Knock on her door until she lets you in. Or, you have a key, let yourself in. I don't mind giving her time off. She's been through a hell of a lot, but I am seriously concerned that she's going to bail. And unlike you, she won't come back."

"Thanks," Harm offered, sarcasm showing in his voice.

"Take some time, take a couple of days, get her the help she needs."

"I'll get her back," he said firmly, then added half to himself, "there is no me without her."

It was the admiral's turn to look up sharply. "What was that, Rabb?"

He stood, cap in hand, looking distracted. "Permission to be excused, Admiral?"

"Granted, Commander. Bring our Marine home." Harm nodded and headed for the door. When his hand reached the doorknob, the Admiral spoke softly and seriously. "Now may be a good time to tell her how you feel, Harm. She needs to know she's loved."

Harm turned to look at Admiral Chedwiggen, but his commander, the closest thing he had to a father, was bent over his paperwork, seemingly absorbed in whatever task he was doing. He turned back around and left.

"'Bout damn time, anyway," the admiral muttered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mac! Let me in!" He paused, listening, and heard nothing. "Mac, come on!" He listened for a minute longer and still not hearing anything, pulled out the key to Mac's apartment. He slowly opened the door and looked around, struck by what he saw. By most people's standards, the apartment would be classified as "lived in." By Mac's standards, however, the apartment was a total mess. Blankets went unfolded, dishes lay strewn about, magazines and books weren't in their usual places. Something was definitely wrong.

"Mac?" Harm asked, setting down the bag of groceries he'd picked up on his way over and making his way through the apartment to the bedroom.

"Go away." Her voice was soft and distant and without a trace of strength in it. Gone was the power and the force behind it that he had heard in the CIA recordings from the night she shot Sadik. She had never faltered. Never faltered until the end when she thought they were no longer listening and she admitted she was not sorry for killing the man who had brought her so much pain.

But Harm has listened to it all, had felt the anguish she had felt, had wanted to kill Sadik with his own bare hands. But he hadn't been there and Mac had held her own. She hadn't needed him. Until now.

It took him a minute to find her. She was on the floor, leaning against her bed, facing the window. Harm walked to her and sat down against the wall, facing her. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her cheeks streaked with tears. She looked exhausted. Harm wondered the last time she had slept or had anything to eat. This wasn't the Mac he knew. The Mac he knew always held it together, held him together. Whether she realized it or not, she was his strength and he felt lost without her. She looked lost within herself.

"Mac…" he spoke softly, but she just stared off, unblinking. "Sarah…" he tried again and slowly her head turned, eyes locking with his and instantly filling with tears. He opened his arms to her and she came to him, collapsing against his chest as she sobbed. Harm fought to control his own emotions as he murmured soft words hoping to soothe Mac's tortured soul.

Mac allowed herself to lose all control, allowed Harm to comfort her, tell her everything would be okay. Allowed the blackness that had overtaken her to abate, if just for a few minutes. Soon, though, she composed herself, wiping away her tears, loosening her grip on Harm, but not letting go. Never letting go.

"I'm sorry."

"Mac, you have nothing to apologize for. You've been through hell. You're allowed to break down every now and again." She was silent. "Hey, when's the last time you ate something?" She shrugged against his chest.

"Come on," he said, standing and pulling her up with him. "I'll make you something to eat." He took her hand and led her into the living room. "Lay down and rest. I'll let you know when it's done." Mac obediently lay down on the couch and closed her eyes. She was surprised how tired she felt, but realized she hadn't slept for more than four hours any night since she shot Sadik. Within a few moments, she was asleep.

Harm worked in the kitchen, chopping vegetables, cutting chicken, and boiling pasta. He figured homemade soup was a cure all for both the body and the mind. He left the soup simmering on the stove and checked on Mac. She was tossing and turning on the couch, her sleep restless.

He watched her for a moment, wondering if he should wake her or let her sleep. She grew more restless, muttering in her sleep. Harm gently touched her shoulder. "Mac? Mac, wake up, dinner's ready." Her eyes opened briefly and she blinked, then shot up, momentarily confused. She looked to Harm, breathing heavily, heart racing. "Nightmare?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she said after catching her breath. "Same one I've been having every night since I shot Sadik."

"Want to talk about it?"

Mac turned, leaning against the back of the couch, and sighed heavily. Harm sat next to her, waiting for her to begin.

"I don't know why it bothers me so much. Sadik was an evil man. He tortured me. He tortured Clay," she paused. "He almost killed you and Gunny. He was about to murder an entire building full of innocent people. But I still feel guilty." She paused again, her voice thick. "I didn't have to kill him. He was down - he couldn't have hurt me, or anyone else. I was so angry with him. I don't think I've ever felt such rage. So I pulled the trigger and shot again.

"I don't regret killing him. He deserved to die for what he had done. But I'm tortured by what he may have known, what we may have gotten from him had we the chance to interrogate him. He was beginning to trust me. I got inside his head, Harm, and it terrified me."

"If you got inside his head, Mac, then you know what kind of person he was. You know he would never do anything to even remotely help the United States. Had he lived, he would have spent the rest of his miserable life in a jail cell funded by taxpayers like you and me. And he probably would have found a way to continue his work. You did the right thing. You did what I would have done."

Mac sighed again and Harm put his arm around her and they sat in a comfortable silence. . "I'm glad you're here, Harm."

"I always am, Mac. Always." She smiled, remembering how much they had been through over the last eight years. How many times they had faced death - either together or apart - it had always come back to them. Us.

"You hungry now? I made soup."

"Best idea I've heard in a long time."


	2. Consequences Chapter 2

**Title:** Consequences  
** Author:** Laura Dugan  
** Feedback:** Kindly, at AliasGirl@hotmail.com  
** Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it: the show, the characters, nothing. They belong to CBS, Belasarius Productions, and its subsidiaries. I mean no infringement.  
** Category:** Post Ep Persian Gulf, Mac/Harm Romance  
** Summary:** Mac spirals out of control after killing Sadik. Will Harm be able to save her from herself?  
** Rating:** PG  
** Notes:** I had an immediate response to Persian Gulf and the previews for the next episode. This is my interpretation of that episode. Thanks to Arica for helping, in a general sense, with this story. :) Special thanks to Dr. L - the JAG poster inspired me to get his finished!

**Chapter 2 :: Recovery**

They ate dinner together and Harm found himself gazing at Mac, thinking about what she had told him, now understanding why she had been acting the way she had.

He had been there himself, in that place of total darkness. And nearly every time he found himself getting lost, Mac had pulled him back out.

"Harm?"

"What?" Harm replied, drawn out of his thoughts.

"You were staring at me."

"Sorry."

"What were you thinking?"

Harm sat back in his chair and tossed his napkin on the table. "I was thinking I should thank you."

"Thank me?" she asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, I was just remembering all of the times you did this for me."

"I can safely say I never made you soup," she grinned.

"That's not what I mean. I'm amazed when I think about how many tragedies - both major and minor - we've been through together."

Mac nodded. "I've been thinking the same thing."

"I feel like, at the very least, I owe you a 'thank you' for all the times you stood by me even when I was at my worst."

"Which was quite often." Mac grinned again and Harm smiled too, glad to see her spark returning.

"I'll admit I haven't always been the most pleasant person to be around." Mac looked ready to speak, but Harm shot her a look that stopped her. "Why did you… Well, I guess I know why, but… What made you go after Sadik like you did? Getting the CIA involved?"

Mac stood and carried her dishes over to the sink. "I felt like I owed it to us. All of us - you, me, Gunny, Clay…" she paused at the mention of her boyfriend's name. It made Harm wonder what was going on there. "It overpowered me. Consumed me. All I wanted was to bring him down."

"You were going to him when you stopped by my apartment, weren't you?"

"Yes," Mac said, leaning against the counter, crossing her arms defensively.

"Why didn't you tell me? I knew something was going on, but why didn't you ask me for help?"

"You couldn't hear."

"I could by that point."

"It was something I had to do by myself. I was worried about you, after what happened to your car. I was worried what he'd do to you."

"So you put yourself at risk?" Harm stood, and walked so he was in front of Mac.

"I did what was necessary," she said, bristling. "And I had the CIA backing me up." She narrowed her eyes. "Why does this bother you so much? You pull stuff like this all of the time!"

Harm thought for a moment, trying to come up with an answer that wasn't a double standard. He decided to go with the truth. "Mac, I was terrified. And I hated that I wasn't there to protect you, I mean going after Sadik was completely crazy, not to mention out of character."

"Wait a minute!" Mac interrupted, the fury building.

"Let me finish. I thought it was crazy at first, but no more so than a lot of the stunts I pulled over the years. It's no wonder you were always pissed off at me when I ran off on one mission or another. Especially after I joined the CIA." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "Was it like that for you? An absolutely sickening, terrifying feeling? I hated that you were out there, in harm's way, and there was nothing I could do to save you. And I'm not being sexist. I know that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. But I was scared for you."

Mac looked at him, bewildered. "Do you know how long I've waited for you to say that? To acknowledge that your actions have consequences? To realize that others are affected by what you do?" She walked into the living room, angry. "I can't tell you how many times I was damning you for leaving me behind as I was praying for you to come back to me. Honestly, Harm, I'm amazed I've stuck around as long as I have."

"Why have you?"

"What?" Mac asked, completed caught off guard.

"Why have you stuck around? We haven't talked about this since Paraguay. I honestly thought after that you'd have nothing to do with me."

"You've grown up over the past few months. Fatherhood suits you."

"I like it." Harm smiled. "But you haven't answered my question."

"I thought that you came over here to bring me back to reality. You've done that."

"Something happened here. Something I don't understand. Our roles have reversed. I used to be the one who needed to be brought back to reality. Who was really good at dodging all of the important questions. You used to get so mad at me."

"I still do."

"Then why won't you tell me what's made you stay?"

Mac stared at him wondering, as well, how their roles had reversed. For the first time, she realized how hard it was to tell him how she felt. Finally understanding why it was so hard for him to do the same. She decided to change the subject. Find a safe zone.

"Clay called me."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"We broke up. Well, he broke up with me, if you can call it that." Harm sat on the couch, wondering where she was heading. "I hadn't seen him for weeks. He called after the whole Sadik thing. He couldn't tell me where he was, of course, or how he found out about it. He called to make sure I was okay, to tell me how glad he was Sadik was dead, and to let me know it was over."

"That's a little harsh, even for Webb."

"It wasn't like that. He didn't just call and say "Good job killing Sadik! Guess what, it's over!"

"Well then what happened?"

Mac plopped down on the couch and stretched her legs across Harm's lap. "Nothing, really. Just another to add to my list of failed relationships."

"You know I'm not going to let you off that easy," Harm pressed.

Mac was replaying the conversation with Clay in her head.

_Three days earlier :_

"Mac?"

"Clay! Is that you?"

"Yes. How are you? I heard about Sadik."

"I'm okay. He's gone. He's no longer a threat. I have to keep telling myself that over and over."

"He deserved to die," Clay got that serious tone in his voice that sometimes frightened Mac. "I only wish I had gotten the chance to torture him before you put him out of his misery."

Mac remained quiet. "Where are you? When are you coming home?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I'm over seas. That's all…"

"You can tell me," Mac interrupted, offering up her own sigh. "Clay, it's been weeks since I've seen you. I'm okay with distance in a relationship, but this is getting to be a little difficult."

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that." Mac heard voices in the background. "Hold on," Clay said and barked something off in Farsi while it sounded like he was covering the receiver.

"You're getting ready to go where?" Mac asked.

Clay said something else then turned his attention back to the phone. Mac repeated her question. "I'm not used to having a girlfriend who speaks Farsi. Forget what you heard. It doesn't matter."

"Sounded pretty important to me."

"Look, Sarah, about us…" More commotion sounded over the phone line and this time Clay yelled some rather unsavory phrases to whoever was in the background. "I have to go soon, it's getting out of control here. Look, why I called… I wanted to make sure you were okay, but there's something else.

"What is it? Are you okay?" Concern showed through Mac's voice.

"I'm fine, I'm always fine. It's just that… I'm sorry to do this now and I'm sorry to do this over the phone, but I don't think this is going to work out."

"What's not going to work out?"

"Us, as a couple. I care about you, Sarah. I might even love you, but I'm not going to be able to be who you want me to be. Who you need me to be."

"How do you know that? We've hardly spent any time together."

"I know, and that's part of the problem because it's not going to change. It's only going to get worse. I'm about to go deep undercover on a long-term assignment. I don't even know exactly where I'll be going or for how long. But hey, a couple of good things have come from this. We did have some fun together, didn't we?"

Mac smiled. "Yeah, we did. But you said a couple of things. What else?"

6,333 miles away, Clayton Webb grinned and did one of the few selfless acts of his life. "Rabb will be happy."

"Harm? What does he have to do with this?"

"Sarah, I thought by now you'd recognize that the guy is in love with you. Why do you think he hates every man you have ever dated? If you started dating the Pope he'd have a problem with it."

"You can't date the Pope." The answer sounded like a cop out, even to Mac.

"You know that's not what I meant. The nice thing is you're in love with him, too. And I just wish that Harm would get over his ego and tell you how he feels. One of you is going to have to take a risk or you're going to lose each other for good."

"Since when did you become so philosophical?"

"Face death often enough and it hits you." Mac shuddered as he said this, the effects of killing Sadik the previous day just beginning to set in. "Sarah, you are one of my best friends. Probably my only friend. But I'm not right for you. You want the husband, the house, the 2.5 children. As much as Rabb and I don't get along, I know he's the one for you. Take a risk." Before Mac could collect her thoughts and formulate a response, Clay was saying goodbye. "I have to go before it gets any worse over here. I'll try to call you when I can. Goodbye, Sarah."

"Clay!" Mac began, but then she couldn't think of what to say. She could protest, tell Clay that he was wrong, that she was willing to wait for him, to make it work, but she knew it wasn't true. "I love you. Be careful. And I expect lots of gifts when you get back."

"As long as you don't mind a little sand thrown in there with them. Masalaam, Sarah."

"Masalaam, Clay."

Mac hung up the phone, the first inklings of depression beginning to set in. She wasn't exactly depressed at Clay breaking up with her. It was more a feeling of loss, of being alone again, of wondering if she would ever be ready to take a risk. To tell Harm she loved him. To hear him say he loved her back. Or not. She collapsed onto her bed and hardly moved for three days.


	3. Consequences Chapter 3

**Title:** Consequences  
**Author:** Laura Dugan  
**Feedback:** Kindly, at AliasGirl@hotmail.com  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it: the show, the characters, nothing. They belong to CBS, Belasarius Productions, and its subsidiaries. I mean no infringement.  
**Category:** Post Ep Persian Gulf, Mac/Harm Romance  
**Summary:** Mac spirals out of control after killing Sadik. Will Harm be able to save her from herself?  
**Rating:** PG  
**Notes:** I had an immediate response to Persian Gulf and the previews for the next episode. This is my interpretation of that episode. Thanks to Arica for helping, in a general sense, with this story. :) Special thanks to Dr. L - the JAG poster inspired me to get his finished!

**Chapter 3 :: Nightmares**

"Mac? Hello? Attention, Marine!" Mac's head snapped back reflexively as she drew herself to attention. Harm stifled a laugh. "Where were you just now?" he asked as Mac relaxed back down on the couch and looked at him.

Mac thought hard, trying to remember the last thing she had said. Something about Clay. "He's on assignment," she finally said.

"You said that already."

"Sorry. It's a pretty serious assignment and he knew he was going to be away for a long time. He didn't know how long and he didn't want me to feel like I was being held back by him. He thought we would both be better off if we just ended our relationship before it really went anywhere."

"And are you? Better off?" Harm looked so hopeful that Mac nearly smiled.

"Yes. I think we both are. He's free to do whatever he needs to do and I…" Mac paused, wondering exactly what she was. Free from Clay? That sounded like their relationship had been something terrible, which it hadn't. Free to tell Harm how she felt? She looked into his velvet eyes as he looked back expectantly. "I'm free to continue the search for Mr. Right." She sighed. "Whomever he may be."

"Personally, I never thought you and Clay would…"

"Don't start, Rabb. I know you were against us from the beginning."

"I was just going to say that you and Clay wouldn't last because of his work. Look at what my work in the CIA did to us and that was only for a few weeks." Mac just nodded in agreement.

Laying on the couch, she draped her arm over her eyes, suddenly feeling completely mentally and physically exhausted. "What time is it?"

Harm glanced at his watch. "22:08."

"This is pathetic. It's just after 10 on a Friday and I am so tired I can barely move."

"Well, you've been through a lot lately."

"You keep saying that."

"Saying it makes it seem less real. Somehow. I guess that doesn't make much sense." Mac looked at him a bemused expression on her face.

"How much sleep have you gotten lately, Flyboy?"

"Not enough." Harm closed his eyes and was beginning to fall asleep when his cell phone rang. He brought it to his ear, closing his eyes again. "Yeah?" He paused, listening. "No, you can't. Because it's already after 10. Tomorrow night is fine." He looked at Mac. "I don't know. If you need anything call me, I'm at Mac's. Or call Jennifer." He listened again, then said to Mac, "Mattie says hello and that she misses you."

Mac smiled. "I miss her, too. Tell her we need to arrange for a day at the spa really soon."

Harm relayed the message, much to the delight of Mattie. "Okay, go to bed soon. Love you, too. Goodnight." He hung up the phone and leaned back. "What have I gotten myself into? She asked if she could go to a party. At 10 on a Friday. Sometimes I forget she's a normal teenager."

"You're very good to her, Harm. And she's good for you."

"I guess I'm growing up as she does. But I still think she's going to beat me to full adulthood." Mac chuckled then yawned. Harm patted her legs. "You should go to bed." Mac was exhausted, but she didn't want to be alone.

"Will you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?"

Harm smiled and stood, offering her his hand, which she took as she stood. They walked into the bedroom and Mac realized that she felt nervous. She and Harm had shared a bed numerous times before, but for some reason, this felt different. Harm sat down on the bed and took off his shoes as Mac settled under the covers. Harm crawled in next to her, but resisted the urge to take her in his arms.

"You know," he said, trying to relieve some of the awkwardness he felt, "the last time we shared a bed was in Paraguay."

"Yeah, and I was pissed at you, as usual," Mac giggled.

Harm turned on his side to face her and she did the same. "Why do you think we fight so much?"

"Because you never admit it when you're wrong?"

"Very funny. I'm being serious."

"So am I!" Harm rolled his eyes. "Okay, well, the never being wrong thing is part of it. I think we fight so much because we are both very stubborn people who are rarely willing to give in. It's why we're such good lawyers."

"And such bad friends?" Harm asked softly.

"We're not bad friends. You're my best friend! Do you think we're bad friends?"

"No, I just wanted to make sure you didn't, either."

"Harm. If you haven't realized by now how I feel about you I don't think you ever will." Mac stopped abruptly, replaying what she just said and wondering if it sounded like she thought it had.

"How do you feel about me?"

"Can we talk about this later?"

"I'd really like to talk about it now. I can't read your mind, Sarah, and as much as I want to believe that you… That we… That there's an us."

"What do you mean, an 'us'?"

"I don't understand how we can sit down at work or in the courtroom and have a verbal sparring match that's Oscar-worthy and yet we're not able to talk about personal things."

"We know what we're up against at work, Harm. Real life, our personal lives, are not that easy to analyze." Mac thought about what Clay had told her. "It's easier to take a risk when you are aware of the possible outcomes, when you've been able to assess the different situations. You can't apply that logic to emotions," Mac said softly, ending her sentence with a large yawn.

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know you're tired. I didn't mean to philosophize. We can talk in the morning."

Mac nodded sleepily. On one hand she really wanted to continue the conversation, she really felt like she and Harm were finally making headway. On the other hand, however, she was functioning at about 50% of her usual capacity due to lack of sleep and she wanted to be completely with it for whatever the outcome of this conversation may be.

She yawned again and turned back over on to her left side. Harm watched her breathing until it was even and he was sure she was asleep. But he didn't get up and leave. Instead, he turned onto his back and thought about the evening. He was happy, beyond happy, really, to hear that Mac and Clay had broken up. And he knew why he was so happy. He would never be satisfied as long as Mac was with another man.

He couldn't remember how many times he had come close to telling Mac how he felt about her and he still didn't know why he never did. Some of it was fear. But he was pretty sure, particularly after Paraguay, that Mac felt the same way about him. He should have just told her then. He should have told her a million times before.

He turned back onto his side, so he could look at Mac. She was beginning to move in her sleep, and Harm suspected that the nightmares were back. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. A few moments later, Mac settled down, relaxing into Harm's warm embrace. And the nightmares were gone.


	4. Consequences Chapter 4

**Title:** Consequences  
** Author:** Laura Dugan  
** Feedback:** Kindly, at AliasGirl@hotmail.com  
** Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it: the show, the characters, nothing. They belong to CBS, Belasarius Productions, and its subsidiaries. I mean no infringement.  
** Category:** Post Ep Persian Gulf, Mac/Harm Romance  
** Summary:** Mac spirals out of control after killing Sadik. Will Harm be able to save her from herself?  
** Rating:** PG  
** Notes:** I had an immediate response to Persian Gulf and the previews for the next episode. This is my interpretation of that episode. Thanks to Arica for helping, in a general sense, with this story. :) Special thanks to Dr. L - the JAG poster inspired me to get his finished!

**Chapter 4 :: Truth Be Told**

Sunlight peeked through a crack in the curtains, as if peering in on a secret rendezvous, catching stolen glances at the sleeping couple. They had not much changed positions since falling asleep last night. They both lay on their sides, Harm's arm casually draped across Mac's stomach, their bodies perfectly aligned, forming one uniform shape under the covers.

Mac awoke first, slowly, luxuriously enjoying the warmth that seemed to surround her. She glanced at the clock, surprised to see she'd slept for a solid nine hours. She hadn't slept that well since, definitely before Sadik, probably before the fateful Paraguay trip. So much had resulted from that one venture south. She'd almost been killed, she'd uncovered the softer side of Clayton Webb, and almost walked out on Harm forever. Almost.

Closing her eyes, she thought about his question. Why had she stayed? It was more than the fact that she was in love with him. She loved him, more than she had loved anyone else - Mic, Clay, definitely more than her ex-husband, but there was something else there, something that kept her coming back again and again.

Harm stirred besides her, interrupting her thoughts, and it sunk in for the first time that he was still in bed with her. She had felt the warmth, felt his arm around her, but it hadn't sunk in. It had all seemed so natural, so ordinary that she hadn't realized that she had only asked him to stay until she had fallen asleep. Not that she was upset, far from it - she felt happy and safe and somehow right, like everything fit exactly where it needed to.

She carefully rolled over so she was facing him and his arms tightened around her as she hoped they would, Mac burrowing in against his chest. In that moment, feeling Harm's heart beat beneath her, feeling his strong arms holding her close, Mac knew why she had never left and never would.

She could feel Harm begin to wake, his muscles stirring, as he, too, went through the process of realizing he was still in Mac's bed and she was still in there with him. She felt him tense for a moment then relax and one hand moved to touch her hair. She snuggled against him again, tingling as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Guess you never made it home last night," she said softly.

"Guess not."

"Think Mattie's worried?"

"Probably not. She knew where I was." And she's probably thrilled, Harm thought, that I spent the night. Mattie loved Mac and Harm knew she would love nothing more than to see them end up together. He cleared his throat. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in… I can't even remember how long. Didn't even have any nightmares. I started to, but then it went away. I think I'm finally getting over Sadik. Finally getting him out of my head."

"I'm glad," Harm said as he absently twisted strands of Mac's hair. "You need to keep that head of yours free for all of the problems that I cause you on a daily basis." Mac chuckled, and he felt it more than heard it, and he suddenly realized how close she was. He abruptly stopped playing with her hair and moved back slightly so he could look at her.

Mac opened her eyes at the loss of warmth and immediately got lost in his deep blue gaze. She wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to kiss her, desperately, feverishly, and she was amazed at the emotions this man awakened within her. And he looked, for a brief moment, like he would kiss her, but something stopped him.

Their hearts were racing, both feeling the chemistry in the air, like a third being in the room, urging them to finally give in.

"Why do you stay, Sarah?" Harm asked softly, and there was something in his tone, an urgency, a sense that nothing would be the same again, and Mac knew it was time for the truth.

"I didn't figure that out, not exactly, until this morning when I woke up in your arms and I felt at home. Truly at home." Harm smiled and Mac knew that what her heart had told her was right. "We have been through every crisis imaginable and no matter what, no matter how long it takes, we always end up together. We may go months separated by work or by our own egos, but it always comes back to us." She paused, exhaling slowly, her eyes never leaving his. "And we are an 'us,' Harm.

"You asked me last night how I feel about you. And I always thought that it was obvious, but then I realized that it has never been obvious how you felt about me. Sometimes I would think I had it all figured out and then something would happen, like in Paraguay, and I would have no idea again.

"The reason I stayed was because no matter what happened, no matter what stupid thing you would say or do or I would do, I always felt deep down inside that we felt the same way about each other. Somehow I knew that…" She paused again, willing herself to take the risk, trusting that her instincts had to be right. "I knew that you loved me. And I loved you." Harm had been longing to hear those words for so long that it took a second to sink in. Mac went on, "I love you so much that it has nearly driven me crazy on more than one occasion. But if I had believed, truly believed you didn't feel the same way or that you never would, I would have left. I would have found a way to move on. I would have married Mic and would quite possibly have been very happy. But that wasn't the reality of the situation."

"How long?" Harm managed to get out.

"How long what?"

"How long have you known?"

"Well, since about ten minutes ago." She smiled. "I think I've loved you since we first met eight years ago. I felt something shift after Bud had his accident. I watched Harriet, I watched the two of them together, and I knew that I would be absolutely lost without you. That's why I would get so angry every time you ran off and didn't take me with you. But I didn't know until I woke up today that this was a forever thing. This is a forever thing, isn't it?" The first signs of doubt showed in Mac's voice as she realized that Harm had yet to reciprocate her feelings.

He laughed and pulled her to him and kissed her softly then with increasing passion, eight years of pent up emotions showing themselves in that one kiss. They pulled back, breathless, and Harm smiled. "Oh, Sarah, I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't loved you. There were times when it nearly consumed me. And there were times, like last fall, that I was so afraid I would lose you that I tried to suppress it. But it never worked." He began to say something, then closed his mouth, thinking. "I was going to say that I regretted that we waited this long to say how we feel. But I don't. We're both at the perfect places in our lives right now. At least I am. I did have a lot of growing up to do, but both you and Mattie have changed me and I finally feel like I am who I should be. I just wish it hadn't taken so long."

"I guess that just means that we have a lot of lost time to make up for." Mac smiled seductively, which Harm completely overlooked, choosing instead to focus on her words.

"You're absolutely right!" Excited, he threw back the covers and kneeled on the bed, then looked down at his legs and moved so he was on one knee. Mac lay on her back, staring up at him like he'd completely lost it. "I don't have a ring or anything, but it's been eight years, way too long for me to put off asking this." Mac's eyes went wide. "So what do you say, Marine, marry me?"

Tears came to Mac's eyes and she sat up, laughing. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Pausing to take a breath, she looked into his eyes and said, "I hope you know what you're getting into, Flyboy."

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes."

They collapsed back onto the bed, both happier then they had ever been.

"We should call Mattie!" Mac said, sitting up.

"Yes, we should," Harm said, kissing Mac back down onto the mattress. "But first, there's something else I've been waiting eight years to do." He gave his trademark flyboy grin and Mac laughed.

"That long, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," Harm said as he planted kisses on Mac's neck and shoulders.

Mac pushed him away, a mock serious expression on her face. "I'm keeping my last name." She fought not to grin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And they did call Mattie, who squealed with delight and asked when they'd all be moving in together. Next they called Bud and Harriet, who only questioned why it took them so damn long to get to this point.

The Admiral was last on their list. Harm listened to him grumble about office politics and the JAG code of conduct with a bemused expression on his face. He looked down at the beautiful woman by his side and smiled at her while rolling his eyes. Mac giggled.

After a few minutes of requisite ranting, the Admiral's voice grew lighter. His official standpoint aside, the Admiral was thrilled that his two best lawyers had finally managed to tell each other how they felt. "We'll find a way to make this work."

Harm pulled Mac closer to him and kissed her forehead. "We always do."

**The End**


End file.
